Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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