Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
