rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
