Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
