You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
ttyl tear gas
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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