Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
