Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
