tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
