i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
