I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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