Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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