highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
