Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
