i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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