He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
