This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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