I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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