Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
