just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
