I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
