meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
