there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
