I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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