Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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