and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
