Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
