Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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