i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
