marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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