The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
