You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
