In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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