I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
