I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
