I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
