Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
