I accidentally burped into my bong.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
