Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
