I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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