he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
