Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
