Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
