I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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