Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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