Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
