I just made out with a guy for $7.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
