as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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