She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
