At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
