you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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