Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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