did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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