Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
